So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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