just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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