please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
