I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
