i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
True strength comes from lack of pants
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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