i think my tv is drunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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