my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
