Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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