like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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