Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
