He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
