Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
