She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
