I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
