it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
