sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
