I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
