it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
