Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
