um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
