So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
