I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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