so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
