Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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