I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
