One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Randomize
