So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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