Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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