I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
