she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
