i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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