I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
