Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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