you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
