A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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