yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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