I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
