So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
