my mouth tastes like poor choices
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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