I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
