I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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