I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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