I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
