I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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