I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
