i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
