do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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