She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
