He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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