9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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