just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
